Why I Am Not Convinced By The Bullying Fad

Source http://www.wortfm.org/mononas-anti-bullying-ordinance/

This may be stirring the pot a little. Who am I kidding just this title is like tipping the damn pot over and making a huge mess. I ask you to hear me out. Bullying is all over the media right now and has become quite the topic. My opinion on it? Let it be.

Now I am a mother. If any one bullied my child I would be upset. But let me ask you this; Why aren't we giving children the tools to better themselves and rise up from such situations? Let's be honest here, bullying is nothing new. Think back to all those old movies. You see little kids running around the streets teasing each other and fist fighting. THAT was bullying back in the day. My father would tell me stories how he was beat up. He is now a successful business man. He didn't run and hide, his mommy and daddy didn't fight his battles for him. He learned the world is a rough place and grew from the situation.

I was also bullied as a kid. I was extremely overweight all throughout elementary school, middle school, and high school. When I was in middle school the internet and the accessibility of technology was really starting to pick up. I was attacked in school and over the internet just as many of the kids now a days are. I was called fat, ugly, and some other choice words that are just cruel so I will not list them. Here is the really strange part, I SURVIVED. Yes, I lived through being bullied. I lived through being bullied in both eras; in person and with technology. I not only lived through it but I am actually a decent functioning human being (Hooray)! How could this be? Surely this cannot be true! The media is always talking about these victims of bullying are becoming emotionally screwed up. That those who are bullied are more likely to go crazy and become a threat to society. Is it really bullying that causes this or is it the way we deal such situations?

Technology is a major weapon in this 'Bullying War' (Yes, I have seen it being called this countless times). This is the popular scapegoat used for this topic. Saying technology is to blame for bullying is like saying people don't kill people, guns kill people. So then I started to question; how can these young kids can even be targeted at all? Who is allowing them to have access to all this technology at a young age? Now I am not one to attack a person's style of parenting, but does your 9 year old really need a Facebook or a cell phone? You blame the rise of technology. You blame these social media sites for allowing the bullying to 'come home with your kids'. That now they aren't just bullied at school but can be texted these hateful things anywhere and at anytime. Who bought them that cellphone and pays for that texting plan? Who doesn't have Facebook child blocked on their computer? Should we be looking at the technology to blame? Hell, I will go a step further. Should we be looking at the actual bullies to blame? Maybe, or maybe we should looking at the parents for enabling the young victims to have access to these tools. Regardless, bullying will always be a thing. You can take away all the technology and place all the laws in the world, bullying will still be there. It has existed since the beginning of the human race and will be around till the death of the human race.

Maybe trying to monitor your children is just too hard now a days. I understand that. Kids can be tricky. They can find ways around those child security blocks and get a Facebook. They will buy a texting app with their iPod. If that is the case, which with some kids I am sure it is, we should be arming them with the tools to defend and better themselves.

When you go running to the school because you are outraged that your child's teacher yelled at them, you are teaching them that mommy and daddy will be there to fight there battles. When your child is in the real world, working a real job, and their boss yells at them... you cannot go storming in the office and scold the boss. By fighting their battles you are teaching your kids that they will always have everything handed to them. That the world isn't a mean and cut throat place. Your child will go through heartbreak and sadness. Your child will feel angry and betrayed. Do we as parents like it? No, but it is human nature. It is life. This generation of parents are trying to put walls up. We are trying to stick our kids in bubbles of rainbows and sunshine. You may not realize it but by doing so you are doing more harm than good. You cannot always be there to protect them from feeling bad. If it is still not sticking then go to darker side of it; what will your kids do when you are dead? Ouija your ghost to have them yell at the meanies who aren't saying what they want to hear?

I am not saying ignore your kids or the problem. Just deal with it in a way that will show positive life long results, not just temporary ones. Try not to over personalize the situation and over react. Think of it like this; when your child falls and gets a cut you would try to be positive to show them not to cry. You would to do it to show them to brush it off, that they are fine, it is no big deal, they will live. We all have had that one time we have seen a kid fall and the mother screams and runs over to the child. As soon as the kid sees the mother panic, they start to cry. It is the same idea. Try to listen to the problem, calmly. Teach your children to problem solve and find a solution for the situation. Teach your child it is not the end of the world. Teach your child about confidence. Teach your child to stay positive and to move on. Teach your child about forgiveness. Hell, teach your child about karma if it helps. We need to move on from this generation of coddling.

As parents we should not be trying to prevent such events from happening. We should be trying to teach kids how to cushion the blow. What they should be getting out of bullying situations is not that super mom and dad will erase all bad things, but to appreciate life. Not every one will like them but the world is not all evil. They have much to see and experience, this one event will not be the end all be all.

Baby Must Haves

Since having my daughter I have discovered some amazing things that I did not even knew exsisted. Some items I have been shown by family members or friends. Others I have stumbled upon myself. These are a few things that I/my daughter could not live without or things we just really love! If you have a baby shower coming up soon I would definitely add these items to your list. If you are already a mommy check these out, you might like them!

1. Microwave Steam Guard

We got the Munchkin brand one at my baby shower. I do not have a dishwasher and I was a little hesitant about boiling water (I didn't want to melt the plastic or silicone). This thing is a life saver. Once a week we will do three rounds. The first with bottles, the second with spoons and baby bowls, the third with pacifiers. You put some water in and pop it in the microwave (read instructions for amount of water and time). It steam cleans what you put in there and kills the bacteria.

2. Mesh Teether

This is my daughter's absolute favorite and has become our go to during those bad teething days. You put any fruit or vegetable you would like in there and then just put it in the freezer. Whenever your child wants to chew/suck on something because of those little teeth popping through, give them this! The reason I like it is because as her saliva warms up the food and breaks it down, she is actually getting some nutrients. I usually put fruits in there. Some days it is bananas and other days avocados. I know she is getting some nutrition while helping comfort her from those pesky teeth!

3. Doorway Jumper

This is my daughter's favorite way to move around and get some exercise. She hops around and I literally think that she would stay in there all day if I let her.

4.Pacifier Medication Dispenser

This is literally the item I tell every new mother I can to get. Now hopefully you will not be needing to give your child medicine often. Sometimes you have no choice or your little one needs a little Tylenol after a long day of shots or teething. Trying to get the syringe in your child's mouth and getting them to actually drink all of it can be a challenge. My daughter would always have the medicine leaking out of the side of her mouth and would barely get any. This saved me so much trouble! I just measure the amount of medicine, put it in, and then give it to her. She takes it with no fuss and gets all of the medicine. There are a lot of different kinds out there, if your baby already takes a pacifier try to find one that has the same shape. 

5. Pacifier thermometer

Another medical favorite of mine. I am not a fan or the rectal thermometer. My little one squirms too much for the armpit or the forehead ones.  She absolutely hated me trying to get it under her tongue. With this I would be able to put it in her mouth and get her temp in no time and with no problems. 

6. Cozy Cover

We live in New England where the weather can be crazy. This thing is perfect. On cold days it keeps her warm. When it is raining, snowing, or just really windy I can close the top down and protect my baby from the elements. Not to mention they have so many cute styles! This should be a must have for all parents, especially if you live somewhere cold!

7. Backseat Mirror

I added this just as a comfort item. It is not necessary but it helps me feel better! I like being able to take a peak in my rear view mirror and check on my little one. I can see if she is sleeping, upset, spitting up, and so on and so forth. It makes long car rides easier too.





*All images provided by Google Images

5 Fun Things To Do On A Snow Day

The weatherman is saying snow again. Now if you live in New England, like me,  you know the weather can be unpredictable. Saying it is going to snow could as well mean a hurricane could be coming our way! Maybe it is just an extremely cold or windy winter day. Regardless, here are some fun things to do with your little one (Some may be age permitting).

1. Bake-a-thon: A fun way to stay toasty and make the house smell good on a cold day. Cookies, brownies, or anything you like!

2.Snow Spray Paint: A fun way for the kids to get artsy and out of the house. Get some spray bottles (you can find some cheap at the dollar store or Walmart) and mix food coloring and water.

3. Bird Feeders: Help the birds get some grub in the cold winter time. Spread peanut butter on a pine cone, roll in bird seed, add a string and hang on a tree.

4. Tie Dye Crayons: Take the paper off of the crayons you would like to use. Put the crayons you want to mix together in a dixie cup. One cup we put different shades of pinks, another cup we did primary colors. You can get creative and put what ever colors you or your little one would like. Then put them in the microwave. I recommend 20 seconds at a time. You can take a toothpick and swirl them around to make cool looking patterns. Let them cool then pop them out of the cup.
     -Bonus: If you want to make shapes; place metal cookie cutters down in a pan lined with wax paper. Poor liquid wax into cookie cutters to mold the shape. Pop them in the freezer.  

5. Make A Snow Book: Make a snow related story/book with your little one. You can read it to them on future snow days!

*Images provide by Google Images

Tip Tuesday: Saving baby food containers

Today's Tip Tuesday will be for all mothers who make their own baby food.

One of the most rewarding feelings is making your own baby food for your child. You can make sure that your baby is truly getting organic food, free from all those preservatives and artificial flavors. Also the best part is that it's cheaper, and I mean a lot cheaper. There are a lot of great products out there that help with this process. One of the first that comes to most minds is probably the Baby Bullet. But if you are like me, spending all that money for something you will use less than a year can seem to be a bit of a waste. Many of the foods my daughter eats, I am able to make with a hand mixer that we have had in my house for years. The food comes out the same consistency and no need for an expensive purchase. What about storage? Well here is my tip, use baby food containers! Seems backwards right? Why would you have those if you are making homemade food? Well in the beginning stages of eating (4-6 months) babies need a really smooth, almost watery, consistency  Their little throats cannot swallow chunks. While most food is able to be pureed quite well, there are certain foods that no matter what will just always be a bit clumpy or stringy. One of the foods we could not make my daughter in these beginning stages were green beens. So for the first two months we would just buy the organic baby food version from Gerber. We washed out the containers and would save them to put her other food in! They work perfectly because you know they are one serving. Down below is an example of what they look like. They run anywhere from 2-2.5 ounces.  The reason we didn't use baby jars is that I found that it is hard to get all the food out. The neck of the jar would always get caught with food. With these plastic containers I know that my little one is getting everything. These containers are also great because of the tops. You can bring them with you in your cooler or diaper bag when you are on the go!

*Image provided by Google Images

Is Cleaning Actually HARMING Your Kids?

We all want to keep our kids away from germs, especially during those cold and flu seasons, but did you know that what you are using to clean your house with could actually be more harmful to your children? It is true. Those household cleaning products may be doing more harm than good.

We have come accustomed to, and tend to be drawn to, the items that advertise 'Kills 99% of germs!' or 'Industrial strength'. Seems like a great deal, right? Killing as many germs as possible, super powerful, and at a decent price.  But buyer beware, these are the worst purchases you can make! Have you ever actually read the back of the label and looked at what are in these so called 'super products'? The truth is that a lot of these products contain ingredients that are more detrimental to your children's health.

Now you have all probably seen the warning label on these products. The one that say keep out of reach of your children. Now if they want you to keep it out of reach, what is the difference if you spray it on the surface they eat food on (food then picks up the particles from the surface, then ought oh! It is in their mouth!) or the toys your child is playing with? Also, what about exposure to the lungs and skin by particles left in the air after spraying such chemicals? Things you may not even ever have thought of; cleaning your kitchen floor, then your child crawls on it, 5 minutes later they are chewing on their hand. Infants and toddlers are especially at risk from these sorts of products. Not only do they have weaker immune systems, but their smaller size make for higher exposure levels. Now you are probably thinking that we are all exposed to the same amount. This is true but because they are smaller, in both weight and size, so their body concentrates the chemicals more.

Now that all of this is settling in you are probably wondering what the dangers of these chemicals are. There are two main risks that come directly from the exposure of these harsh chemicals. The first being carcinogens. Carcinogens are known for causing cancer and cancer growth. The second risk is neurotoxins. Neurotoxins alter the neurons in your brain. This can lead to affecting one's brain activity which can cause a problem as simple as a headache to as severe as loss of major brain function. Pretty scary, right?


So, what can you do? You can stick to the brands you normally do but use some caution or try an alternate, safer brand (beware these can be more expensive but well worth the money). So if you are on a tight budget and want to stick to the brands you are used to (Lysol, Clorox, etc.) use some of these tips:
    1. Try to stay away with products that use 'harsh' words. If it has a warning label with words stronger than "Caution" it is generally a no go.
    2. Try to stay away from products that have fragrances. Something smelling like apple cinnamon should have no bearing on if your house will be cleaner or not (honestly it shouldn't be there at all! A clean house should really not smell like anything at all).
    3. Try to stay away from cleaning products that have styrene, formaldehyde, phthalates, and organochlorines.

As a mom, there are a few companies/products that I would recommend switching to. One would be Seventh Generation. They have everything from cleaning solutions, to baby wipes, to hand soap! They are a brand that really tries to have as little harmful toxins as possible. Their products are plant derived and bio based. Another line of great products is from the company Eco Me. They have a variety of cleaning products that are free from synthetic fragrances and toxic preservatives. I am sure there may be other products/companies out there but these are best that I have and get the job done!

Sources: 

householdproducts.nlm.nih.gov

checnet.org/healtheHouse/chemicals

lowimpactliving.com

Diary of Bomb Mom

Dear Diary,


Today while walking in Walmart, I happened to pass by the cosmetics section and saw myself in a mirror. I noticed that I had remnants of my daughters breakfast in my hair... that I had given her 2 hours previously. I tried to not feel guilty for wearing my pajamas to Walmart (I mean lets be honest wearing my pajamas in there is like wearing a suit and tie), but the food in the hair was a bit too much.

Speaking of too much, my neighbor's dog is becoming too much. The constant yapping was one thing but the giant shits all over the yard and driveway, not okay. I deal with enough shit around here on a daily basis (literally). I really don't need to add Mr. Colossal Poo to my list (by the way what in the hell are they feeding that dog, a live turkey? I mean these 'presents' are ridiculous).

On a brighter note C said her first word today, unintentionally I assume (If on purpose I am so getting her ass on Ellen). She said 'momma'. I know these are words and sounds young babies often say unintentionally but I couldn't help but smile. I can always count on her to bring me back into focus and humble me.

So Diary what did I learn today? Not to sweat the little things. There are a million things that can throw us off or put us in a bad mood (like stepping in your neighbor's dog shit while trying to get to your car). But there a million and one things that can make all those annoyances go away. So when those negative thoughts come again, and no doubt in my mind they will come again, I will replace them with positive thoughts of the moments that bring me pure joy.

Formula does NOT equal bad parenting

I

What you are seeing is an actual image floating around the internet. An image showing that breastfed babies are smarter, healthier, and happier. Breastfeeding has been around as long as the humans species has. In the span of the human race bottle feeding has only been around for an extremely short amount of time. Before formula if you didn't breastfeed you would find some one that would do it for you. Strange concept now a days, huh? Yes, the research does show the many benefits of what breastfeeding can do. These benefits are nothing that science hasn't been able to reproduce with formula.

Now back to that image. This image was found on a site that is anti-bottle feeding. It is a large forum for breastfeeding mothers to talk smack about those who bottle feed. Now my issue here isn't the debate of which is better, breastfeeding or bottle feeding. My issues is this stigma that seems to be catching fire. There seems to be a crucifixion of sorts of mothers who bottle feed over breastfeed. There are many reasons why one may decide to bottle feed which can vary from their comfort level,  their work schedule, medications they are prescribed, the baby not latching, to even not being able to produce.   

As a mother I wanted to breastfeed. I was not producing, met with lactation nurses, and tried all the tricks. Nothing worked. I was deeply upset by this. I felt I was not doing enough for my daughter. Formula had caused stomach issues to arise in my daughter. I though for the longest time 'If I could just breastfeed my daughter would not be having these issues'. These are the cards I was dealt with though. After a while I came to terms with it and realized that I have to to what I need to for my daughter. She needs to eat and I would do anything and everything to provide for her. So does bottle feeding my child still make me a 'bad mom'?

I have seen multiple comments about how 'bad' formula feeding is. I have seen bottle feeding mothers being told they are doing it out of laziness to neglect. Bottle feeding mothers are recently becoming looked down upon. To be quite honest that is not fair. Breastfeeding seems to be less of a way to provide children with nutrients and more of a fad. Since when did breastfeeding become a source of power to shame others? Sadly, it seems more and more breastfeeding mothers are becoming less humble and more snobby.

"I am going to breastfeed cause every one seems to be doing it and says its like good for the baby." I pulled this off of a Facebook page of some one that I used to be friends with. I will leave them nameless but just an example how it seems more and more people are breastfeeding for the wrong reasons.

There is no need to look down upon mothers who bottle feed. Now from my personal experience I find that when the claws come out, it is more mother vs. mother action. I hear breastfeeding over bottle feeding debate betweens mothers more often than not. When it comes to this idea that bottle feeding mothers are 'bad mothers', I have actually seen it from both sides (parents vs. non parents). I just do not understand what is the need. Especially between mothers! What I find most ironic is the recent Facebook flood of how breastfeeding in public should be more mainstream and less frowned upon. I honestly agree 100 percent but it is a bit hypocritical that we can support breastfeeding in public but not bottle feeding for mothers that may have no other option. There is no need for judgmental attitudes on either side. Mothers should be supporting each other on the incredible, but sometimes incredibly difficult, journey of raising and nurturing their children. 

This 'breastfeeding bullies' phase needs to go! There is already enough stress and and anxiety in being a new mother. A million questions of what to do and what not to do, what is right and what is wrong. How to feed a baby should not be one. How a mother decides to feed her child is her choice to make, not her friend from high school or the nurse in L&D. If a mother decides that formula is going to best suit her and her child's needs, that does not make her any less of a mother. Formula or breast milk, a baby will thrive. A baby doesn't always do best in a situation with an unhappy mother though. Let us stop picking each other apart and trying to make each other miserable!

*Image provided by Google Images