Do Not Be Ashamed To Share Your Story

Life is tough. There are so many factors and moving pieces in all of our lives. Life can be happy and beautiful but at other times stressful and sad. One factor that will test your range of emotions is when you have children. Something that will test those emotions on a deeper level is having a child with medical issues. I say the term 'medical issues' and leave it at that. There are many illnesses, diseases, genetic disorders, etc. that can affect a person or child and I do not want to focus on one particular issue.

What brought me to this rant was a recent post by Scary Mommy, a very popular sarcastic mother's blog. I have followed the blog for a while now, reading the articles and chuckling at the jokes that I can relate to. I never have been offended by an article, until yesterday. The article is titled When Your Baby Needs Glasses. The article starts out by saying we all have a dream of what our child will look like and that the dream is ruined when you find out your baby needs glasses. Going as far to saying that your insides will scream '“No! I don’t want them! Not my baby!”'. It then goes on to say how the author does not like how their child's face is obscured by glasses. Now let me preface the rest of this article with saying that I have worn glasses since I was a toddler and I have a child with medical set backs. With that being said, I was highly offended by this article. Now every parent is different, I get that, but I couldn't fathom how a parent could actually be upset because their 'dream' of how their child would look was ruined. I never knew glasses were so bad and something to be feared. Wouldn't you be happy that your child will have better sight and be able to do things in their life with more efficiency? Millions of people wear glasses, it is as normal to them as wearing shoes. People must walk by me and cringe thinking 'That poor girl has to wear glasses, my life wouldn't crumble if that was me or my family member'!

So being the loud mouth that I am, I made a comment on the Facebook post. I didn't expect anyone to read it, not a person at Scary Mommy or a regular reader. I stated how offensive the post was. How they are just glasses! They are helping your child, not crippling them like children who have serious medical issues. I ended my comment with 'you have drams of what your child would look like? Many have dreams of what their child would do and may never do...' 

I went to bed and didn't think anything more of my comment. I woke up the next morning to a woman who had replied to my comment. She had told me that her child has seriously and complex medical issues and that she wished glasses were her only worry. Once again I never looked glasses as a worry but I felt for her. Her picture showed her hugging a beautiful baby with breathing tubes going in her child's nose. That sweet little innocent face, my heart broke thinking about all that the child must endure. That is when the heartless mothers chimed in! One woman told me my comment was ignorant and rude. Another said that our problems suck but to move on and get over it, that this wasn't a contest (Yes, her words). I was stunned at the comments, especially from other women, other mothers! We are human, we have emotions. I would never tell a mother, especially a mother who has a child with medical issues, to 'get over it'. It is not a contest but sometimes you need to reach out and look for support from a community of people who are going through a similar problems. I cannot understand how another mother, another woman, another human being could not be compassionate to a person who is watching their child go through such a tough time. My child is not as severe as others but we had our fair share of hospital and specialist visits. Anaphylactic shock, barium studies, multiple EEGs, blood work. I would watch my child through it all and feel like my heart was being ripped out my chest. I cried, I was stressed, I worried about the future. Some nights I wouldn't sleep, other nights I would cry myself to sleep. Though what we are going through is not as severe as others, I know that some of the emotions I felt are emotions that other mothers are feeling as well. I would talk to family members, but sometimes you just need more. You need to hear from other mothers that you are not alone. I see nothing wrong with trying to reach out. Apparently some people do.

What really boggles my mind about this all is that in 2015, some one would be so insensitive. Right now we are seeing all of these Motherhood movements, like normalizing breast feeding (which I fully support), yet sharing a story about a child's medical issue is responded with 'get over it' 'It could be worse'. If some one posted a picture of breast feeding their child, many would support it saying that it needs to be normalized. When someone post a comment about their child's health issues they are criticized for looking for attention. How does one jump to that extreme? Where is the equality in that? Why isn't it normal? We all like to share pictures and stories of our children. Some mothers unfortunately share mostly sad stories and pictures of their children. That is their reality. That is there life. Why would you want to make it worse? Why would you add more negativity? Why does society shame them for sharing? And this is not just in regards to mothers, this is in regards to everything. We have put blinders on to life. How many times have you scoffed or complained because some one posted a sad tweet or a depressing Facebook status. You probably thought 'no one wants to see that', 'stop complaining', 'it could be worse'. Have you really stopped to think about what they are going through?Society is shifting towards a very cold, mean-natured spirit.Compassion is something that is harder to find each and every day.

Being a mother is hard enough. We should all be lifting each other up, not tearing each other down. If you see a mother who is going through a tough time, show some kindness. Your comment could be the one that brightens her day. There is nothing wrong with sharing your story. There is nothing wrong with having emotions, especially towards your child if they are going through something. I invite anyone who wants to share their stories of their beautiful children and what they are going through with me that would like to.

                                                My daughter Callie. July 2013. 

Do NOT compare your child to others.

Do not compare your child.

Just don't. It won’t end well. It is a bad formula that no matter which way you spin it, will never end well. We have all been told not to compare our children to others, even our own children to each other. How can we not though? It is wired into us as human beings to look to others to see how things are done and make sure everything is okay. It is a weird catch 22, comparing your child. Everyone warns against it but if you never compare your child then how will you be able to make sure they hit all the development milestones in time? How will you be able to catch if something is wrong if you never compare how they are acting to the majority of others?

I remember there was one point where I lived in my stress and fear. It changed me physically and mentally. I worried that my daughter was not okay. At 13 months old my daughter had a pediatrician, a gastroenterologist, neurologist, physical therapist, and occupational therapist. How could I not worry? How could I not live in the black hole of my stress? I remember I would cry every night. Why wasn't my daughter walking like my friend’s son? Why wasn't my daughter saying any words unlike that kid in the daycare who was talking up a storm? Why wasn't my daughter putting her toys away like her cousin? My head would spin with a million questions. I stopped eating as much. My hair was coming out in clumps. I slept horribly. I couldn't get over this obsession with comparing my child and picking out the differences of her and other kids.

The simple truth is kids develop at different rates. Kids have different talents. They are different in their strengths and weaknesses just like we are. They are human, just like us (just a miniature version). Sometimes we forget that. We expect them to perfectly follow a chart. To be a textbook baby. There will be kids who are early bloomers and kids who seem to move a little slower. Just because they are on one end of the scale or the other does not necessarily mean that something is wrong.

If I could go back in time, my advice to myself would be to enjoy your child! If she doesn't want to walk then be lazy and lay down with her! If she wants to make funny noises instead of talking when she should, make funny noises with her! I would tell myself to enjoy the moment, every moment. Not to drown myself in the worry and instead absorb every second I can with my little girl. I have a beautiful, unique baby who is happy and over all, healthy. I wouldn't trade that in for anything in the world. I wish that the mindset I have now was the  one I had then. Life for both my daughter and I is so much better. It is so much happier. 

Raising a child is one of the scariest and most fulfilling jobs in the world. It is a job you will never be truly prepared for. There will be days, maybe even weeks, that you will get wrapped up in some hype about how you should be doing something or how your child should be acting. Take a step back. Remember to live in the now. One day that little boy or girl will be off to college or buying their own home. 

My beautiful, not so normal or on track, happy Calile 

*Photo by Jessica Weaver Photography

Baby Must Haves Part 2: Early Toddler Edition

Since my last 'Baby Must Haves' post, my daughter and I have discovered some new amazing things. My daughter is a little over a year old now so there are some new things we really love. So let's just get right to it! To see my first 'Baby Must Haves' post click here.

1. Backpack Diaper Bag

I do not know why I didn't just ask for this right on my baby registry. There is so much hype to get all of these name brand diaper bags but let's be honest, they are over rated. As your child gets older, and heavier, holding them on your hip and the weight of a diaper bag swinging on your shoulder gets to be a lot. I purchased my diaper bag backpack when my daughter was 6 months old. It allows for much more mobility and even weight distribution. In short, it is much more practical. 

2. PBS Play and Learn App

This one is a little different but I think technology can be good in moderation. There are so many apps that are amazing resources for your little one. One of my favorites is the PBS Play and Learn app. It captures my daughter's attention, I can see improvement with her learning, and it is free (bonus)! Why is this app great? This is a child and parent app. It is specifically designed for parents to work with their children.

  "The app is designed to build on a child’s natural curiosity about his or her everyday world to encourage dialogue between kids and parents. Each game comes with a parent note that provides information about the math and literacy skills woven into the game and suggestions for effective ways to interact with a child while playing the game to maximize the learning experience." 

  -pbskids.org

3. Floor Mat

If your child is a messy eater like mine than this is a life saver. If your child isn't a messy eater, TEACH ME YOUR WAYS! Anyways, this is pretty self-explanatory. Saves you the hassle of scrubbing that pasta sauce or other foods off the floor. You can find these floor mats at most stores (Walmart, Target, Babies R Us, etc.). If you are feeling crafty, you can get your own fabric at your local fabric store so you can match it to your kitchen. Just throw it in the wash when it gets dirty!

4. All Terrain Stroller

If you have not bought an umbrella stroller yet, make sure you get an all terrain one! I asked for a Jeep all terrain umbrella stroller for my baby shower (not because I am obsessed with jeep or anything) and I knew it would come in handy. It was one of the best things I put on my list. You may not always be on pavement when pushing your child in a stroller. Regular umbrella stroller's wheels will easily get caught on the terrain. A few examples of when our stroller came in handy was at a local fair and apple picking. I was able to push the stroller with ease through the dirt and grass as I watched other frustrated parents try to trudge with their umbrella stroller. 

5. Remote Control

Let's throw a bit of a joke in here to end on a light note. This is actually no joke in my house though. My daughter has become obsessed with the television remote. I know a few other children who always race over to the remote to play with it as soon as they see it. We cleaned an old remote we had in the house (and of course took the batteries out). Instead of my daughter grabbing our remote and changing all the channels, she thinks she has her own and perfectly content. 

*All images provided by Google Images

My child is growing up in a prejudice country.

Today while browsing through my news feed on Facebook, an article caught my attention. Now while most people usually click the link of an article to read it, I find myself drawn to look at the comments first. Call it 'virtual people watching' if you would like. Regardless, it is fascinating (and sometimes will leave you dumb-founded. I suggest every one go try it). The article I am referring to is one that was published by Fox News. I will provide the link to the article here. In a quick summary the article is about a father who was upset that his daughter had to write an essay about Islam in school. Why am I upset? It is less about the actual article and more about the comments. I am upset with people that are around us every day, shaping our world, teaching and influencing our children and the way they think. 

So here I am reading the comments and I fully expected some negative comments. Instead I found myself scrolling through countless racist and prejudice comments. Comments like "They should have written about how they behead people and kill innocent children." and "Are they going to teach about how they think only Muslims have the right to live?" My jaw almost hit the floor. I am baffled that this kind of ignorance and prejudice is still so prominent in our society today. It makes me sick to know so many people in this country, people who affect the youth and set a path for the future, still somehow have mindset stuck in the dark ages. That the actions of some are now apparently the actions of all those under the same faith. 

As a kid I was taught that knowledge is power and ignorance is bread by fear. Now, when it comes to the education system, it seems that many have the feeling that more knowledge is harmful as opposed to helpful. Sounds backwards right? Think about it. Why do we want our kids to have math and science courses? It makes the smarter. It helps them with problem solving skills when they get to the real world. Great, so they have 'book smarts' but what about 'street smarts'? We restrict what our children learn about the world. We teach them a little world history, some American history, and a small portion of how the world works today according to their society. Then we throw them into the real world and they are slammed with prejudice and distrust. We complain that we live in a dark world where people are still so full of hate for one another but it is our fault. It is just how they are taught. It is just what they see through mainstream media. It just the cycling negative comments they hear through multiple generations of family members. 

What is wrong with diversity? What is wrong with your child learning more than the small bubble that you keep them in? The benefits to learning about other groups and cultures is abundant! Imagine if everyone still thought that the world was flat, if no one was willing to broaden their ideas and beliefs on how the world worked. Pushing the limits and learning more about what and who is around us is what has advanced us a species. 

Diversity is something to praise. It is something that we should strive to incorporate into our children's lives. Diversity allows for fresh ideas and perspective as well being informational and enlightening. Being open minded is an essential life skill. We are living in a world that is constantly changing. If the world around us is changing, shouldn't our thinking be changing too? We cannot limit ourselves to only what we know and only what was comfortable in the past. 

Many benefits have been noted from those who accept diversity. You get to experience changes. Opening up your mind to diversity allows you the opportunity to change what you think and how you view the world. This doesn't mean you necessarily will change your beliefs but you have the option to. It also strengthens you. Diversity provides a platform on which you can build. With an open mind you can learn new things and you can use new ideas and information to build onto the old. Everything you experience can strengthening who you are and what you believe in. It's hard to build on experiences without an open mind. 

We are in charge of the future and the future generations. Our actions and thinking directly affects them. I know I will personally try to teach my child to be open minded to the diverse world around her. It will make her more optimistic, have better problem solving skills, be less prejudice, be more adaptive to change, and just all around more intelligent. If my daughter ever comes home and tells me that her school is having her write an essay on Islam, I will gladly help her. Maybe I will learn something new myself. 

How Stress Effects Your Child

Stress, we all have it. Having a child can heighten that stress. There are a lot of changes coming, big changes (Not to mention the hormonal ones)! Stress can be dangerous. Not only for you but for the baby too. We have all read books or heard our doctors tell us to try to stay calm during pregnancy, that stressing was a 'no-no'. Sometimes you can not help it, I know I couldn't.  Then I would worry what that would do to my baby, it was a never ending cycle of stress. Do not fear though! New studies show that there may be ways to help counteract what stress during pregnancies can cause.

Past research found that stress and depression during pregnancy can change an infant's response, specifically to stress. This would make the baby more anxious, fearing the unfamiliar and become easily frustrated and upset. New preliminary studies have found that when a mother cuddles and gently strokes her infant in the first month, the infant is less likely to be apprehensive and distressed in stressful situations.

Now, this does not only apply during pregnancy. Once your precious baby is here, they can pick up on parents being distressed. They may not understand what you are saying but they can pick up on the cues from your emotions and moods. Stressed parent = stressed baby.

Too much stress and emotional strain can cause long term problems. The CDC reports that stress, over a long period of time,  can alter how a brain develops. It can cause kids to have a low stress threshold, impair their connection to the brain circuits, can damage areas of the brain that are crucial for memory and learning, and the stress hormones can also hinder the immune system. Along with this it can also lead to emotional issues such as children feeling isolated and afraid.


Kids are a reflection of ourselves. How they see you deal with stress is how they will learn to deal with it. Try tricks like deep breathing, counting, or exercise. Parents who use effective practices of their own will be a model of how to cope in a healthy way for their children. Skills they will carry with them their entire lives.

Benefits Of Water

We all know that water is important, but do you know why? Water is not only important for your body but can also help with things you never thought it could! From shinier hair, better skin, to even a healthier body. Water is a magical elixir!

The Benefits Of Water:

1. Cure for Headaches- Headaches are commonly caused by dehydration (your brain is mostly water after all). Drinking water helps prevent and relieve headaches by keeping the brain hydrated and bringing oxygen to the brain.

2. Improves Skin Complexion- Drinking more water helps moisturize your skin. It is natures natural anti-aging treatment. It keeps the skin soft, smooth, and even gives that glowing look!

3. Promotes Weight Loss- Water helps you pass fat! Look at it like a filter for your body. Not only does it help remove the fat from your body, it also helps your calorie intake. Drinking more water fills you up, helping you reduce the food you intake.

4. Metabolism Booster- Drinking water helps raise your metabolism and has zero calories! The perfect weight loss supplement.

5. Helps prevent cramps- Have you ever been working out and get a horrible leg cramp? Maybe you are just at work and you get a horrible cramp in your muscle? Keeping your body hydrated can help prevent this! That is your body's way of telling you it needs something. Water helps keep the joints lubricated and your muscles more elastic, causing less of a chance of a muscle cramping.

6. Boosts Immune System – Drinking more water will make you less likely to get sick. Who would rather feel sick the majority of the time? Drinking plenty of water helps fight against flu, cancer, and other ailments like heart attacks.

7. Keeps Your Body Regulated- Drinking water helps maintain the balance of body fluids. Your body is composed of about 70% water. Water helps your body do everything from digestion, circulation, to regulating body temperature.

8. Helps Build Muscle- Water caries oxygen to the cells in your body. Including the cells in your muscles. Drinking water helps the muscles work harder and longer. They will not get tired as easily, helping you build muscle. 

9. Cheaper Alternative- Even if you are not drinking out of your tap, water is still a cheaper option! Water is comparably cheaper than soda or other sugary drinks (and at restaurants its even usually free)!

10. Keeps You Happy- Who feels happy when they are in pain or sluggish? When the body is functioning at its best, you will feel great and be happy! 

Why I Am Not Convinced By The Bullying Fad

Source http://www.wortfm.org/mononas-anti-bullying-ordinance/

This may be stirring the pot a little. Who am I kidding just this title is like tipping the damn pot over and making a huge mess. I ask you to hear me out. Bullying is all over the media right now and has become quite the topic. My opinion on it? Let it be.

Now I am a mother. If any one bullied my child I would be upset. But let me ask you this; Why aren't we giving children the tools to better themselves and rise up from such situations? Let's be honest here, bullying is nothing new. Think back to all those old movies. You see little kids running around the streets teasing each other and fist fighting. THAT was bullying back in the day. My father would tell me stories how he was beat up. He is now a successful business man. He didn't run and hide, his mommy and daddy didn't fight his battles for him. He learned the world is a rough place and grew from the situation.

I was also bullied as a kid. I was extremely overweight all throughout elementary school, middle school, and high school. When I was in middle school the internet and the accessibility of technology was really starting to pick up. I was attacked in school and over the internet just as many of the kids now a days are. I was called fat, ugly, and some other choice words that are just cruel so I will not list them. Here is the really strange part, I SURVIVED. Yes, I lived through being bullied. I lived through being bullied in both eras; in person and with technology. I not only lived through it but I am actually a decent functioning human being (Hooray)! How could this be? Surely this cannot be true! The media is always talking about these victims of bullying are becoming emotionally screwed up. That those who are bullied are more likely to go crazy and become a threat to society. Is it really bullying that causes this or is it the way we deal such situations?

Technology is a major weapon in this 'Bullying War' (Yes, I have seen it being called this countless times). This is the popular scapegoat used for this topic. Saying technology is to blame for bullying is like saying people don't kill people, guns kill people. So then I started to question; how can these young kids can even be targeted at all? Who is allowing them to have access to all this technology at a young age? Now I am not one to attack a person's style of parenting, but does your 9 year old really need a Facebook or a cell phone? You blame the rise of technology. You blame these social media sites for allowing the bullying to 'come home with your kids'. That now they aren't just bullied at school but can be texted these hateful things anywhere and at anytime. Who bought them that cellphone and pays for that texting plan? Who doesn't have Facebook child blocked on their computer? Should we be looking at the technology to blame? Hell, I will go a step further. Should we be looking at the actual bullies to blame? Maybe, or maybe we should looking at the parents for enabling the young victims to have access to these tools. Regardless, bullying will always be a thing. You can take away all the technology and place all the laws in the world, bullying will still be there. It has existed since the beginning of the human race and will be around till the death of the human race.

Maybe trying to monitor your children is just too hard now a days. I understand that. Kids can be tricky. They can find ways around those child security blocks and get a Facebook. They will buy a texting app with their iPod. If that is the case, which with some kids I am sure it is, we should be arming them with the tools to defend and better themselves.

When you go running to the school because you are outraged that your child's teacher yelled at them, you are teaching them that mommy and daddy will be there to fight there battles. When your child is in the real world, working a real job, and their boss yells at them... you cannot go storming in the office and scold the boss. By fighting their battles you are teaching your kids that they will always have everything handed to them. That the world isn't a mean and cut throat place. Your child will go through heartbreak and sadness. Your child will feel angry and betrayed. Do we as parents like it? No, but it is human nature. It is life. This generation of parents are trying to put walls up. We are trying to stick our kids in bubbles of rainbows and sunshine. You may not realize it but by doing so you are doing more harm than good. You cannot always be there to protect them from feeling bad. If it is still not sticking then go to darker side of it; what will your kids do when you are dead? Ouija your ghost to have them yell at the meanies who aren't saying what they want to hear?

I am not saying ignore your kids or the problem. Just deal with it in a way that will show positive life long results, not just temporary ones. Try not to over personalize the situation and over react. Think of it like this; when your child falls and gets a cut you would try to be positive to show them not to cry. You would to do it to show them to brush it off, that they are fine, it is no big deal, they will live. We all have had that one time we have seen a kid fall and the mother screams and runs over to the child. As soon as the kid sees the mother panic, they start to cry. It is the same idea. Try to listen to the problem, calmly. Teach your children to problem solve and find a solution for the situation. Teach your child it is not the end of the world. Teach your child about confidence. Teach your child to stay positive and to move on. Teach your child about forgiveness. Hell, teach your child about karma if it helps. We need to move on from this generation of coddling.

As parents we should not be trying to prevent such events from happening. We should be trying to teach kids how to cushion the blow. What they should be getting out of bullying situations is not that super mom and dad will erase all bad things, but to appreciate life. Not every one will like them but the world is not all evil. They have much to see and experience, this one event will not be the end all be all.